I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
