HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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