Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
