I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
