I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please, let me fuck your mom
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
