My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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