I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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