If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
