Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
