Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
