We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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