at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
