Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
