Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
