Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
