when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
