I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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