she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
