every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to calm my uterus...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
