Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize