I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
