Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize