Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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