Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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