I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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