think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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