we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
