JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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