you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
