Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
