If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
