Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
