At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
