I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
