Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
