Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
