he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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