youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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