When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how does that bad decision feel?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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