I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize