Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
