Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
