That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize