Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
