We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am midnight drunk by noon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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