Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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