a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cockslap morals
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
