Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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