Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
