He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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