I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
