P.S. I can't hear my feet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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