He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
