Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize