I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
