Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
