i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
