I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
