Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
