Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
