the condom got lost in my hair
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
