just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize