Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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