wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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