If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We got so high we made milksteak
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
