biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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