i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
