go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize